Keep Calm and Soldier On!

First, the simplified option. If you want to give me money, you can do that here, in monthly or one-time donation form. I’m going to add a store on the site (I have a lot to fix, it may take a while) and maybe the option to tip me on Tumblr, but I won’t be back to Patreon. They treated me and my data (and my supporters’ data) in ways I didn’t like.

Ragnarök is Coming…

I am a weak link in a chain of one. I tried to take a year-long break in 2022, to work on the site and the story. My health crashed so badly that I just couldn’t do a lot of the work I needed to get done. I’m improving now and playing catch-up, but there are no guarantees I’ll keep improving or stay improved. Right now, if I can’t do every last thing required to get my story to you, by myself, you will not get any more story. Maybe for just a little while, or maybe forever. I don’t want that to happen.

Here’s the deal: Everyplace I can go to get seen is going to have an algorithm deciding whether I deserve to be seen, run by a corporation scrabbling to pay its shareholders, as Web 2.0 and Late-Stage Capitalism disintegrate around all of us. I don’t look profitable. After some early attempts at legitimacy (and overstressed social meltdowns), I decided I didn’t want to be profitable. The hoops I’d need to jump through just to look marketable would kill what I’m trying to do, and I’d lose control of my work in the process. I thought I’d try to beat the algorithms. It couldn’t be THAT much harder to be seen now than during Web 1.0, and I managed to build a community back then!

Well, either my story sucks and no one wants it, or there’s some other reason Viral Fame has failed to smite me after all this time. I don’t think I suck, so I’ve decided to blame my circumstances. I’m writing an art manifesto about it, but that’s a story for a different page.

I’ve spent six years giving away content and two years making $50 monthly donations of money I don’t technically have. I got three brilliant Patrons out of the deal, but that’s about it. I do not exist in a fair or altruistic ecosystem, although I’ve found some fair and altruistic people in it.

I have made some money in all that time, but not enough to cover the cost of the site. If we count donations, labour and materials, I’m so far in the hole there’s no point in keeping track. I didn’t want the money, so I’m not going to pay myself back

I kept up the donations through 2023, mainly out of spite. But now this little project has its own bank account, and any donations I give will come out of household finances like groceries and home goods. It’s my intention to fake like this aspect of my life is a “business” concerned with “profit” and see what that does to my algorithm cred. And I’ll have to hoard any resulting gold like a goddamn dragon to see if I can scrape together enough to hire some help.

…And then start paying myself a fair wage ASAP because, damn it, I can’t be out here screaming “PAY ARTISTS” if I don’t pay ME. Fuck, but I hate that part. Fuck. It makes me feel cheap. I’m not anywhere near paying myself yet (Current living wage for the Lower Mainland is over $4000 CAD a month! JFC!), but I’ll let you know if I ever get there and I’ll try to be gracious about it. This capitalism stuff isn’t your fault. You just want more story, like I do. ❤

We’ll see how much I can get away with, without making myself beholden to deliver endless growth and profit to a bunch of creatively sterile shareholders. I’d rather work for you, and let you pay me what you think is fair! You would give me enough money to live and keep creating and be seen if you could, I just know it!

Donations (In Case You’d Like to Support a Charity Too)

2021

• Jan.: The Red Cross — $50
• Feb.: The National Center for Transgender Equality — $50
• Mar.: Black Lives Matter — $50 + $5 to Act Blue
• Apr.: The Navajo Nation COVID-19 Response Donation Fund — $50
• May.: The Autism Society of Southern Arizona — $50
• Jun.: Community Food Bank of Southern Arizona — $50
• Jul.: The Legacy of Hope Foundation — $50.01 (USD, that’s $60 CAD due to exchange rates 😉)
• Aug.: The Gary Sinise Foundation — $50
• Sep.: The Southern Arizona Humane Society — $50
• Oct.: Southern Poverty Law Center — $50
• Nov.: Whole Woman’s Health Alliance — $50
• Dec.: United Way BC Flood Response Fund — $50
• TOTAL: $605.01 USD

2022

• Jan.: UNICEF Canada — $50
• Feb.: Kamloops Food Bank — $50
• Mar.: The Organization for Transformative Works] — $50
• Apr.: UNHCR — $50
• May.: Uyghur Human Rights Project — $50
• Jun.: URGE — $50
• Jul.: Arizona Abortion Fund — $50
• Aug.: Indspire — $50
• Sep.: Mi Familia Vota — $50 + $5 to Act Blue
• Oct.: Native Women’s Association of Canada — $40.80 USD
• Nov.: Surrey Food Bank — $50 CAD
• Dec.: The National Centre for Transgender Equality — $50 (Ha, I’m donating from Canada so I got a receipt with Canadian spelling, that’s cute!)
• TOTAL: I am no longer sure who’s taking my donations in CAD or USD! We’ve gotta call it +/- $600 CAD, and probably a bit more.

2023

• Jan.: [Mermaids] — £32 (about $50 CAD, at the time)
• Feb.: [GLSEN] — $53.20
• Mar.: [Galop] — £40 (about $50 CAD, at the time)
• Apr.: The National Centre for Transgender Equality — $50
• May.: Whole Women’s Health Alliance — $50
• Jun.: Indigenous Women Rising — $50
• Jul.: Arizona Abortion Fund — $51.50 USD
• Aug.: Planned Parenthood Advocates of Arizona — $50
• Sep.: Surrey Food Bank — $50
• Oct.: Indspire — $53.50 CAD
• Nov.:
• Dec.:
• TOTAL:

The following is my “small business plan.” (You cannot hear the soft gagging noise I am making, but I assure you, it is there.)

Things I Hate (and Must Do)

• Try to Turn a Profit: Ko-Fi is more flexible and charges less than Patreon, and they haven’t pissed me off yet, so that’s where I’m set up. I will try to add a store and some more ways for you to give me money, but for right now it’s Ko-Fi all the way.
• Pay to Advertise: WordPress and Tumblr have teamed up to offer Blaze, which I can afford for a few days or a few hundred clicks at a time.
• Be Social on Social Media: I sampled a lot of places and I hate Tumblr the least. I may not be progressive enough for them — I know, I know, but it’s a weird place with a lot of young leftists who may need a bit more time to mellow out and tolerate my imperfections — but I don’t think I’ll get in too much trouble if I’m careful with the ways I engage.
• Keep Begging Bigger Creators to Notice Me: Ooh, this one is killing me even worse than social media. I do not look worthy of notice, to anyone. I hope like hell I at least qualify for Thought Slime’s Eyeball Zone, but I have to commit to making all of BreadTube think I’m an insane, parasocial stalker freak — if it should come to that. Begging various Tumblr participants is also an option, but I think there is considerable Bread/Tumblr overlap in the first place.

Things I Hate (and May Do)

• Sell Limited Ad Space to Small Creators: Honestly, I consider it morally correct to nudge you towards other small/independent creators who are doing stuff I like, but I don’t always have the headspace to root around the internet and find them. I am not getting enough clicks to say, “Heeey, I’m available to help expand your audience, maybe we can work something out?” but if I ever do, I might be willing to take money from decent people doing good work. That is, provided they have any money to give. There will be no spam, loud noises or blinky graphics, just sincere text. Perhaps in some type of highlighted box, or maybe on its own page. Again, we’d have to work something out.
• Produce a Video/Podcast: I do not know how to do this. I do know how to read a story out loud, and I can probably learn how to record audio and edit, but it would take a lot of time and effort away from actually writing more story. And wherever I hosted it would also subject me to algorithmic sorting. If I’m working alone, without experience, this would be a lot of investment for maybe little or no return. This is probably a terrible idea, except for the fact that an audio version would make me more accessible — and maybe I could do the music for real. That would be nice, but it’s not worth doing just to be nice.
• Crowdfunding: At this point, the above Video/Podcast is the only shiny thing I could hold up that looks worthy of funding, and I am aware that it’s a terrible idea (unless I can find someone with more experience who’s willing to work for crowdfunding money, or on spec). What I’m doing right now costs a lot of my time, but little enough of my money that I can keep doing it as long as my health holds up. People have walked away with thousands of dollars with even less of a business plan than, “I’d like to read this story out loud with decent production values, I guess,” but most of those people are having medical emergencies or running scams. If I do happen to have a photogenic health issue later on, or die, that is always an option. Presumably for someone near me who can still operate a computer.
• Move to a Free Host, Entirely: This is another terrible idea, there is noplace flexible enough to host everything I’ve done for free — they would censor the hell out of it, and it would be formatted really badly. It’s likely I’d end up screwing around with another algorithmic sorting device, and I do not look worthy of being seen. (I know! I’ve tried!) As a last resort, it would give me slightly more financial flexibility, at great cost to my security and general vibes.
• Sell Out: I am not so pure that I would turn down an offer from Disney/Pixar, or another corporate interest. If you dangled James Gunn, Guillermo Del Toro, Vivziepop and/or Gooseworx in front of me, I’d even be willing to forget about smaller creators who need the work more. (I would also be willing to saw off my right leg at the hip. It hurts anyway, and my useless doctors always want me to lose weight.) Of course, they would have to find me first, and they probably won’t.
  • I know selling out to a corporation is risky as hell, and they may take my rights and gut my work. I advise others in my position not to do that, if they can help it. I don’t think I can help it, not as I am now. I’m too small and too desperate to be heard. I lack the capacity to navigate the broken system we use to assign artists legitimacy, but if Sauron offered me the One Ring… Yeaaah, I’d probably grab it and run. Limp, I mean. I’d limp.

Things I Hate (and WON’T Do)

• Facebook/Twitter (or whatever it is now): I would’ve been willing to get involved with Twitter, as the lesser of two evils, right up until Elon bought it. I don’t need that trashfire bullying-engine in my life right now. I also don’t need my abusive family to find me under my real name. Facebook and Twitter are not an option for me.
• Take Ad Revenue from Corporations: No. If I end up in a place with irritating blinky ads and suspicious scripts, it’ll be because I moved to a free host. I will not knowingly take money to assault your eyeballs and data. If someone leverages your credit card info out of me, that’ll be an issue with WooCommerce or PayPal or Ko-Fi or some other third party a whole bunch of websites are using. I will never ask for your personal information or try to sell you vitamin sludge. If someone is doing that with my name, icons, or info, that is not me.
  • …Okay, it might be me, but high on weed gummies and antihistamines. I have a sense of humour. If I seem to be incoherent or making a terrible joke, tell me to go to bed and shoo me gently away from the internet, I’ll thank you later.
• Take a Bank Loan/Go into More Debt/Spend Money that Comes from Traditional Financing: I am not a small business, I am a small artist. I do have an accountant, but that’s because I married one. Right now, I have an ideal skill set to be his life-coach and personal assistant, and not much else, so thank god he can afford me. This website is more of a side gig. We’re secure enough that I can operate a few hundred dollars per year in the red, and it’s not a big deal. A few thousand dollars — as new immigrants with an uncertain student loan awaiting payment while we live in one of the most expensive areas on the continent — is more than I’m willing to risk.

Things I Like (and Will Do)

• Keep Creating: I’ve had some low moments. I’ve had pain that kept me from working for weeks at a time. And I still haven’t been able to stop. This is my passion and my obsession. It may be my destiny, or a maladaptive response to trauma that they’ll have to medicate out of me at a later date. We’ll see. But while I have life in my brain, I will tell stories. I may end up telling them to myself in a padded room, but I will try to put them somewhere you can see them, if I’m allowed.
• Give: Time, money, clicks, attention, support — if you look like you need it, I may show up randomly, and if you tell me you need it, we’ll work something out. I’m still having a small issue with financial access which makes it difficult for me to offer cash payments at the moment.

If you want to know what the issue is, go ahead and click here.

Right now, my S/O is in Canada on a work/study thing that will require at least 2.5 years of further work experience at a certain level. I am allowed to stay with him, because I belong to him. I am not supposed to take a job away from a hardworking Canadian, so I do not have the government number I need to work, and I’m still not technically allowed to access our bank account. I kinda glitched my way in, but I can’t have a credit card. By the time I can actually start building my credit in this fine country, I’m gonna look like a high-risk teenager, or a bankruptcy survivor, or god alone knows what.

Canada doesn’t work like the States. My debit card doesn’t double as a credit card; a lot of times I just can’t make a payment online in my own name. I finally have a PayPal again, so that gives me a little more leeway, but I’m precarious.

At some point, god alone knows when, they are going to let us in as permanent residents and I’ll get my number. There’s a lot of anti-immigrant sentiment floating around up here, a lot of systems are failing, and folks up here to study may find themselves without work, food, or housing. Canada still isn’t thrilled with refugees, but the general mess has grown to include people they said they wanted – that’s us. Just as we got enough points to qualify for express entry, they jacked up the required points. That’s been the situation all year, with residency far beyond our reach. The longer we’re here, the more points we get, but they can move the goalposts wherever they want ’em.

Maybe they’ll let us in this year, maybe they won’t. I hope like hell we don’t have to finish the whole 2.5 years of work experience to get in, but it’s not impossible. I’m not going to get my number until we have enough points, and that could take a long time.

If you don’t have money (or if I’m already giving you money — I don’t want to do that Vaudeville bit where we pass around a fiver and call it even), don’t despair! Social capital is real, and in some cases more helpful than the other kind. I am super bad at social. If you’re online and you have people looking at you, you might be able to get them looking at me.

Honesty, sincerity and a personal connection are probably your best bet here. If you like this stuff, don’t keep it to yourself. If you have some kinda platform and some kinda audience, that’s even more effective. I’m licensing under Creative Commons, so you are clear to make copies and derivative works and share ‘em (see New Creators for more on how to share). You do not need to ask my permission to send people my way. If the spirit moves you, do it.

For a more scattershot approach, you may follow my blogs, reblog my posts, and especially reblog my ads. (I’ll try to make them obvious.) I will put up some kind of notice/ad whenever I post a new instalment, and every time I finish reading my Tumblr feed. I’ll Blaze them as my budget allows, but you can reblog to get me even more eyes for free, or Blaze them for me via the handy link Tumblr offers.

I will make you some quiet, non-animated graphics for linking on websites, but I think banners get ignored in most situations. Some content where you actually tell people why you like me, and then offer a regular in-line link, will probably work better.

If I ever make enough money to hire help for fair compensation, I will be in the market for an illustrator, and definitely someone to help me run the website, or help me make recorded content. But I’m not there yet!

I Still Hate Capitalism…

…but I want to keep telling stories. The system is broken, and so am I. I can’t keep self-publishing with any security unless I do some things I hate. I don’t like asking, but if you can help me out, please do. And thank you.